Dear Body,
Dear Body,
I have never seen strength as unwavering as you
But I must ask, when have you not been in constant pain
Yes, you are a strong vessel that never ceases to amaze me, but your resilience is overshadowed
by your dying cells
Don’t get me wrong, I love you, I really do
But how must I continue to love a dying thing that is alive or are you a living thing that refuses to
die
You are strength magnified, but you did not tell me that I would be left an empty shell of my
former self
Destitute, begging for help
Pain, you have become the best friend I never needed
The only constant consistency I can depend on
You see, I was born into the body of an aching soul
My fate sealed with a knife and my bones found the pleasure of hurt in every blade
You see, my cells are shaped like the tears of my forgotten ancestors
Wretched in the blood my brother purged on the side of the hospital room
Crushed under the weight of the IV the nurse forced into my innocent veins
And I
And I
I seemed to remain whole
Dear Body,
If you were a poem, I would read you forever
Because your lines would be filled with the untold stories of beauty magnified
The stories of warriors that survived tragic battles
The wails of mothers that lost their babies too soon
You would be inked in tears, signed in blood
Sealed by the ghost of my former self remembering days I wasn’t so numb
Dear Body,
I should have loved you more
But you were a bird
You were a bird flying through the cold night sky letting the moon pluck every one of your
beautiful feathers leaving me vulnerable amongst the stars
You were a flame
You were a flame dimming my ever glowing light until I didn’t know how to shine anymore
You urged my bones to cry for warmth and comfort as I screamed out for peace and mercy
Dear Body,
I am afraid
I am afraid you will disappoint me
Just like everyone else in my life has when they reassured me
You see, you did not know me, you never knew me
You did not know that
I found love in my scars, hope in my tears, and solace in my hurt
But my skin refused to love me, my bones refused to hug me tight when the doctor told my
mother “she has to stay another night”
Dear Body,
I did not love you, or to say the least let you live
But I want you to know that you are amazing in all of your crippling pain and agony
Your reflection as beautiful as the moon in a summer’s pound
As beautiful as my mother’s smile holding back tears over my hurting body
As beautiful as the narcotic filled syringe the nurse slowly walks over with
Or as beautiful as it looks being filled into your crippled veins
Dear Body,
This thing
This body
This body called you
This thing that is my body
Sickle Cell
You were not supposed to be here
And here you are
Leaving me here to pick up the shattered pieces I call myself
Dear Body,
Growing is painful
But baby, there is beauty in your pain
